Worst Jokes Ever
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.
If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.
It isn't any of those if it's suicide.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.
What's the laziest mountain?
Mount Ever-rest.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?
Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Cause it was framed!
One day, an orphan threw a boomerang, and it didn’t come back like its parents.
Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.
What is a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.