Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
Worst Jokes Ever
I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest, so I went as a plane. It didn't fly too well with people.
I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍
People claim that Trump has Russian ties.
FAKE NEWS!
All of Trump's ties are made in China.
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...
My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!
What do you call a disabled kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.
What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?
They both hang from trees.
Brojobs are like air. It's not important until you don't have any.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."
On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
