how do you get your grass to cut itself. make it depressed
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
I hate it when people are at my house and ask “do you have a bathroom?” What answer Are they expecting “no, we pee in the yard”
i was digging in my back yard and i found gold and i went to run a tell my mom but i realized why i was digging in the back yard
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard? Reload...chhchhhh
how do u cut your grass without a lawnmower? - u dye it blue and it will cut itself
My Dad was mowing the grass today, I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
Two brothers play on the street, one of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is they go to their mum and asks what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately. Guys go back to the yard surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: why did mum got so angry, the other: i have no idea thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside.
just buy emo grass then you will never have to mow your lawn again
Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that too."
I saw a kid in the yard and i asked where are your parents. then i got fired from the orphanage
Why did the farmers wife chase the chickens out of the yard?
Cuz they were using fowl language!
This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough. They continued eating for a while. This is really good! the little girl exclaimed. What's this meat! The old lady replied with: well there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping.
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn-yards
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
Did you know hellen Keller had a doll house in her back yard? Neither did she
Q: Why are the 49's called the 49's? A: Cause they can't make it past the 50 yard line.
