Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why did the sun go to school? To get brighter!
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”
So the boy said, “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”
The boy replied, “Half way down my leg...”
Q: How did the skeleton know it would rain? A: He read the weather forecast.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
What song did Whitney Houston listen to while doing cocaine?
"Run It!" by Chris Brown.
What is the definition of confusion?
Three blind lesbians in a fish market.
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She says, "Yes, I am."
He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."
Why can’t orphans play GTA and get five stars? Because they’re not wanted!
What is the one word orphans don’t know? Homework.
Why can’t the orphan play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
I played Kobe Bryant on 2k14, but my console somehow kept crashing.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/