Worst Jokes Ever
I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.
I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell it to clap until his/her parents are back.
What is 6 inches and long?
A Slim Jim.
What is an orphan's favorite joke?
"Yo mama" jokes.
I made an orphan website.
But it did not have a home page.
Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.
I love telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What do orphans and TVs have in common?
At least one of them has a home.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
Funny things or weird things to say to someone.
Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.
It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!
Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.
Baby-Bugga-Boo.
Fuzzkins.
Lumpy.
Nilly.
Ninty Minty.
and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said, "No, you won’t return it."
Gf: Hi.
Bf: Hi.
Gf: Did you eat yet?
Bf: Did you eat yet?
Gf: Are you copying me?
Bf: Are you coping me??
Gf: I love you.
Bf: Yeah, I ate already.
What did the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We're closed."
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.