They're jokes

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

Man: How do you prepare your chicken?

Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.

None of these are jokes... they're all facts!

What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.

How do homeless people move where they're living?

They pick up their box and walk away.

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"

I hate stairs, they're always up to something.

Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.

Why are Americans so bad at Chess?

They're missing two towers.

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

Why can’t dinosaurs clap?

Because they're dead.

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

Dark jokes are like Antarctica.

They're cold.

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.

They’re always so twisted!

How do you know someone has Down syndrome?

They're doing better than you.

Guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're par... oh wait, never mind, carry on.

Why are gay guys so rude?

Because they’re fucking assholes.

Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.

Why do orphans love chips?

Because they're all family sized.