They're jokes
When it comes to mosquitoes in Africa, should you feel bad that they're getting AIDS from their victims?
Why should you shoot a homeless crackhead in the head?
Because they're basically zombies.
How can you never find a hippo hiding behind a weed?
Because they're so good at it.
You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.
I complained to my landlord that carpenter ants were getting into the timbers. He was dismissive.
"They're Karen Carpenter ants, they don't eat much of anything."
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
How many Joe Biden jokes are there?
None, because they're all true.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
Q: What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and wind chimes?
A: Wind chimes don't make a gurgling sound when they're hung.
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
You're in One Piece because they're looking for your hairline.
Joe Rogan to Christopher Doemges: "What can you tell me about musicians of the 18th century?" Doemges: "They're all dead already!"
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
Q: What's the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters.
Why do orphans love a room of mirrors?\n\nBecause they're surrounded by loved ones!
How are my sister‘s legs and peanut butter alike?\n\nThey’re both smooth and easy to spread.
What do renovators and lesbians have in common?
They're both not interested in exposed wood, apparently.
Q. Why aren't jokes about bulimia funny?
A. They're just in bad taste.
Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.