They're jokes
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
Memes
What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?
They're both white and flavorless.
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
Some of the most convincing people you'll ever listen to are born liars; usually they're called politicians.
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
How are Fortnite cards and orphans similar? They're given away.
Why did the emo kid like the all black Oreos?
'Cause they're dark.
Why do orphans play GTA?
'Cause they're actually wanted.
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!