Puns

Anonymous

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.

Man

cynthia

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.

“You see,” laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"

Red

Same guy as bellow

Why does the nurse need a red pen?

In case she has to draw blood

Fire

Anonymous

Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.

Pants

Anonymous

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.

Cow

Mbg

Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the milky way!

Car

Anonymous

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

Puns

Nyloracspam

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.

I lost my case.

White

Squaggles

What’s black and white and red all over?

A police brutality case.

Puns

Anonymous

Why was the stair case so sad? Because every one walks on them.

Puns

West Seattle Guy

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They’ve been making headlines.

Bad

Isaac O.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn’t see that one coming, don’t feel bad, they didn’t either

Die

Anonymous

Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they’re forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them. The brunette brings canteens of water. The redhead takes a large beach umbrella. The Blonde somehow rips off the car door. The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?" To which the blonde replied, “So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot.”

Puns

Anonymous

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week, guess you could say it was a brief case

Pants

amomomo

why did the golpher change his pants? in case he got a hole in one

Puns

Meme_Man_Sans

I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case…

Puns

kid22222222222

what’s black and red/read all over? a baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!

Man

Dale Weidert

An old lady walks into an ice cream store. Clerk greets her and says, “What will it be today ma’am…we have every flavor you can imagine”. Old lady says, “Well, I guess I’d like a quart of chocolate ice cream”. The clerk says, “Sorry ma’am, we’re out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we’ll have”. "“Ok” she replies, “Why don’t you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream”. The clerk says just a little louder in case she’s hard of hearing, “Sorry ma’am, but we’re fresh out of chocolate ice cream”. The old lady says, “Oh, ok. Why don’t you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?”. Finally totally exasperated the clerk says, “Wait a minute lady. Can you spell Van as in vanilla?”. “Why of course young man” she says, “V-A-N”. “Right” the clerk says, “Can you spell Straw as in strawberry?”. “Well of course, Straw”, she replied. “Ok then” he says, “Now spell Fuck as in chocolate”. She says, “There’s no Fuck in chocolate”. He says, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you… THERE’S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!”.

Pepper

ChargingSleet68

Why do I carry pepper spray? JUST IN CASE OF AS-SAULT.

Man

Anonymous

Man, I’m so sorry that Steven Hawking is dead he was such a good person. To bad it’s a stair case to Heaven and not a ramp

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