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FUN FACT: Toasters were originally called tanning breads!

A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He wen’t to his brother, who was playing with a superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered ‘SUPERMAN!!!’. Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said 'in the barbie dream house! Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said ‘Olé Olé Olé!!!’. The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. ‘WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!’, the teacher boomed. ‘Superman’, the boy replied. ‘WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!’, the teacher continued. ‘In the Barbie Dream House’ ‘GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!’ ‘OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!’, the boy chanted on his was down the hall.

I’d like to relish the fact that you’ve mustard up the courage to ketchup to my level

What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!

What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn’t matter what you call it, as it’s never going to come.

Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they’re best cellars!

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

A stone’s throw away, in fact.

so i was my daughter the other night and i dont know what was funnier the look on my wife’s face or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her

Man, abortion jokes just don’t get old, do they?

In fact, they don’t age at all.

My wife caught me our daughter. I don’t know what she found worse, the fact I was out daughter, or that the clinic have me the fetus.

The fact that Hawkins rhymes with walking and talking yet he could never do any of them

Canada has free heath-care, here is a link to some Canada Facts!

So I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier. The looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.