Grammar

Grammar Jokes

Tense

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

Dictate

One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"

  • 9
  • Day

    I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

    I apologize for my grammar.

    Shit

    Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?

    Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?

    Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.

    Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.

  • 4
  • Tense

    The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.

    It was tense.

  • 5
  • Mistake

    Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

    Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

    End

    So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

  • 7
  • English

    English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.

  • 0
  • Sentence

    Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.”

    Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...”

    Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.”

    Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’”

  • 2
  • Cat

    What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

    A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

  • 1
  • Law

    What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

    It was given two consecutive sentences.

    Punctuation

    What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?

    A period.

    Why?

    Because it marks the end of a sentence.

    School

    Someone at school judged my grammar.

    I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

    Hitler

    "Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."

    Hitler: "Mine less, then."

    Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"

    Hitler looks over: "Yes?"

    Pirate

    Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

    First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

    "The canons be ready, Captain!"

    "Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

    "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!