Advertisement
Advertisement

Man

Madison R.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

Man

Anonymous

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

Puns

Anonymous

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

Puns

Anonymous

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? – “Make it sew.”

Puns

Daphne Williams

I ate a time-machine once, it was very time consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.

Wife

Anonymous

I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying.

Make

Amazing Grace

I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden, It just doesn’t make any cents!

Girl

mckayden

guy: Are you a vending machine? because your a snack. girl: Your card got declined. guy: Thats ok you got to bang them a few times to get you moneys worth.

Difference

Washing machine

What’s the difference between a women and a washing machine? The washing machine doesnt follow you after you put a load in it.

Difference

Andrew

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…?

The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

Blue

Chase

Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.

Difference

Anonymous

What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker? I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.

Advertisement

Man

Daddy Malta

A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!

Man

Creator

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

By the way my Grandma told me this one

Man

Anonymous

There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!

Common

Anonymous

What do me and a casino machine have in common. It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

Gun

Anonymous

What is big black and hairy it’s a gorilla with a machine gun.

Puns

Anonymous

I have so many cash machine jokes But none of them seem to work ATM

Man

Anonymous

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

Gun

USSR Soldier

Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gague shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun, he said “your crazy!”, I responded “quackers”

Loading...