Machine jokes
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.
What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? "ching chong ching chong tang tang."
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines.
But cat scan!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.