A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden, It just doesn’t make any cents!
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.
What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? "ching chong ching chong tang tang"
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? -- The computer runs.
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am
I ate a time-machine once, it was very time consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines.
But catscan
What kind of vacuum does an abortion centre use A: Dyson
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker? I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
What wasStephen Hawkings fav shampoo head n bolts
In honor of Diddy:
The ice CREAM machine at McDonalds now works!
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals. I hacker, a rapist, a serial killer and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial decides that she want’s to change, but when she see a knife she just can’t help it. He bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist get teleported back to prison
I farted in my grandma ́s breathing machine
what gets louder as it gets smaller. -a baby in a trash compactor.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine i should use to get the best looking women
He said the ATM outside
There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!
