Tell jokes

Guys, this has to stop. Let's tell their parents. Oh wait...

What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?

Just hang in there, man.

When people tell me to "go to hell," I tell them their address.

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.

Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.

We should stop.

Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?

The boomerang!

I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.

What do you tell a stressed-out Pokémon?

“Kakuna Rattata!”

How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?

Every night he turns into a Golbat.

What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?

The cow never made it.

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?

He starts to quiver! ;)

If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.