Tell jokes

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."

I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.

I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.

How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?

He starts to quiver! ;)

Why is the Reaper not funny at all?

Well, he tells dead jokes!

I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.

How do you annoy Pinocchio?

Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"

Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.

Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.