Tell jokes

People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.

I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.

I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.

How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?

He starts to quiver! ;)

Why is the Reaper not funny at all?

Well, he tells dead jokes!

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.

Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.

Want to know what I do in my freetime?

Punch an orphan, cuz what are they going to do, tell their mom?

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.

Why is it okay to hit an orphan?

It’s not like they can tell their parents.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.