Tell jokes

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."

"Me tells dad joke often."

"I want to hear it."

"Me? You wouldn't get it."

I would tell a Biden joke except everyone would not stop falling asleep (including him).

If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."

How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?

Every night he turns into a Golbat.

What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?

The cow never made it.

What do you tell a stressed-out Pokémon?

“Kakuna Rattata!”

Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!

I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.

What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?

Just hang in there, man.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

The mailman came to drop the mail off.

Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.

Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."

Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."

Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?

He starts to quiver! ;)

Why is the Reaper not funny at all?

Well, he tells dead jokes!

I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.

I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.