Everyone jokes

You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."

Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.

He really shook things up today.

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!

A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.

The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."

"You should tell your parents," I replied back.

The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.

All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...

Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.

Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.

And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.

There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...

There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.

So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.

Why would doors do well on social media?

Everyone looks for their handles.

Hey, how is everyone today? Cause I am feeling great!

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

Why does everyone think Stephen Hawking is drunk?

Because he can't even walk.

SMG4 Mario be like in Ohio: I don’t wanna do this...

Candice everyone: Candice?

Mario: CAN DEEZ NUTS FIT IN YOUR MOUTH!

[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.

People think I'm racist but I'm really not.

I hate everyone equally.

Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.

Everyone is so sensitive about racial issues these days.

All I did was burn a couple crosses and I'm up on federal hate crime charges.

What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?

When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.

I just went to a Halloween party for rappers and rap DJs from the Czech Republic, and everyone was dressed in the same costume! I couldn't tell which witch was Wich!

Jokes are like food, not everyone has it.

Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!

I just wanna say thanks to everyone who favorited my jokes and commented! Thanks!