Tell jokes

Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."

LOL

There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."

You know why eggs can't tell jokes?

They crack each other up!

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!

Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.

Doctor: Oh, I see.

Me: Ahhhh!!!!!

Hailey: "Hey Brayden!"

Brayden: "Hey!"

*Music roles around*

*I tell Brayden Hailey likes him*

Brayden: "O_O"

Hailey: *Hides*

So sad </3 xD

What does 6 tell 7?

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.

Q: How do you punish a blind person?

A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

I don't like telling nine eleven jokes, because they always crash and burn.

What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."