Tell jokes
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
Memes
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
What does 6 tell 7?
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"
Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,
he is my only motivation for trying again.
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.
Hailey: "Hey Brayden!"
Brayden: "Hey!"
*Music roles around*
*I tell Brayden Hailey likes him*
Brayden: "O_O"
Hailey: *Hides*
So sad </3 xD
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!
Q: How do you punish a blind person?
A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.