Tell jokes

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?

My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.

He can tell the future.

I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.

How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.

Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."

LOL

There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."

What did the lady say when she sat on Pinocchio's face:

"Tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth!"

You know why eggs can't tell jokes?

They crack each other up!

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

I tried to tell an Armenian genocide joke in Istanbul.

Nobody got it.

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.

Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.

Doctor: Oh, I see.

Me: Ahhhh!!!!!

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.