Tell jokes
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
I tried to tell an Armenian genocide joke in Istanbul.
Nobody got it.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What did the lady say when she sat on Pinocchio's face:
"Tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth!"
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,
he is my only motivation for trying again.
How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.
Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
You know why eggs can't tell jokes?
They crack each other up!
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
If you kick an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents on you?
"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"
"Give away my Money, No Papa,"
"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!