Tell Jokes

Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.

How can you tell your best friend is gay?

His meat tastes like shit.

A close-up of a young boy with a serious facial expression. The text above reads "When you tell your dad to do a magic trick and he disappears forever."

What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?

They usually don’t live to tell the tale.

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.

Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.

But the punch line is too long.

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.

He can tell the future.

How many people fit in a tree?

I don't know, you tell me.

I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!

Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.