Tell jokes

Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.

What do jokes serve for dessert?

Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”

Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"

How do you annoy Pinocchio?

Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"

I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.

I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.

I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...

But it’s quite pointless.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

Why is it okay to hit an orphan?

It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.

Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.

I guess they're whore-ible.

I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

Want to know what I do in my freetime?

Punch an orphan, cuz what are they going to do, tell their mom?