Tell jokes

How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?

Are you 7/11 or 9/11?

Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.

I guess they're whore-ible.

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.

Want to know what I do in my freetime?

Punch an orphan, cuz what are they going to do, tell their mom?

I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...

But it’s quite pointless.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

Why is it okay to hit an orphan?

It’s not like they can tell their parents.

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.

Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”

Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.

What do jokes serve for dessert?

I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.

Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"

How do you annoy Pinocchio?

Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"