Irony Jokes

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

Who needs April Fools?

When your whole life is a joke?

"Rehab's for quitters, and I don't give up."

My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?

"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.

A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!

Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?

Wanna hear somethin' ironic?

When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.

Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.