Tell jokes
What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?
Just walk away.
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."
What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?
You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.
Is it just me or is your personality fake as well? Can't tell because everything about you is.
How can you tell what kind of emo you are?
By how deep the cuts are on your forearm.
Which hole talks faster? Your mouth or your ass? Can't tell the difference because they both run shit at once.
Why can orphans stay out until whatever time?
Because their parents won't tell them when to come home.
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:
"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"
My husband wants to tell me about my childhood.
Ok, I can't access the panel without the password.
I just went to a Halloween party for rappers and rap DJs from the Czech Republic, and everyone was dressed in the same costume! I couldn't tell which witch was Wich!
I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!
It's called "The Bad Batch File!"
A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She says, "Yes, I am."
He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."
Fritz Cheng was asked to write three articles on the subject. He went to his grandmother and advised her: "Question: Kill people! I am sorry, Mr. Fritz, I am looking for his brother—what do you suggest?"
Brother: "I'm Superman. I am Superman!"
Fritz remembers entering the room. That's Alfredo's question in front of the TV: "Do you have any advice?"
Fritz tells a story from his school days. "Remember our words?" said Professor Fleck. "An artist? Is that true? Frison, who are you?"
"I am Superman. I'm Superman," he said. "I hope to meet the president."
Autists either believe everything you tell them or are nonstop skeptics. There is no in-between.
Don't tell me to accept trannies for who they are when they can't even accept themselves for who they are.
Joe Rogan to Christopher Doemges: "What can you tell me about musicians of the 18th century?" Doemges: "They're all dead already!"
Let's see what the orphans are gonna tell their parents about this: "Hey you buttheads, you stink!"
Looks like they didn't tell their parents.
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.