Tell jokes
How do you keep a blind person entertained? Give them a piece of sandpaper and tell them it’s a word.
There are so many things about Tracy Latimer's murder that I wish I knew. Did he buckle up her seatbelt? Did he put the radio on for her?
Did he tell her she was going on a little trip to Gastown?
Ok, so let me tell y'all the lore. Basically, what happened was there's these mfs called Rhys and a guy named Mobrur. Mobrur is a fish basically from Bangladesh and Israel, so he's just a fish because he's Netanyahu's cousin, and Liam is from Australia; he's just a white piece of crap.
Basically, what happened was they knocked up each other because they were drunk and jumping on Netanyahu's beer belly, and it was all just a mess. Rhys is trying to get child support and half property from Fish, but he won't give it because he is nasty and claiming what isn't his, and he said, "No one likes you." So to summarize it, he killed him and is in jail now.
And there he met Mooha and he turned straight, Alhamdulillah! EVERYONE SAY ALHAMDULILLAH! He became straight, then Mooha got knocked up in prison and the guards beat them and they died.
When I tell people my girlfriend's packin', they always think she's really good with a gun.
She's actually transgender and on the waiting list for surgery.
Teacher: "What's your name?"
Student: "Hang on a second."
10 seconds later:
Teacher: "Is something wrong?"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
20 seconds later:
Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"
Student: "Just listen to me!"
Teacher: "Go on, speak!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
I forgot to tell Alicia I saw her mom a couple days ago.
In a porn video!
If you’re bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?
You smell her fingers.
What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?
Just walk away.
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."
What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?
You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.
Is it just me or is your personality fake as well? Can't tell because everything about you is.
How can you tell what kind of emo you are?
By how deep the cuts are on your forearm.
Which hole talks faster? Your mouth or your ass? Can't tell the difference because they both run shit at once.
Why can orphans stay out until whatever time?
Because their parents won't tell them when to come home.
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:
"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"
My husband wants to tell me about my childhood.
Ok, I can't access the panel without the password.
I just went to a Halloween party for rappers and rap DJs from the Czech Republic, and everyone was dressed in the same costume! I couldn't tell which witch was Wich!