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Tell jokes

A blonde woman with a coach ticket sits in first class on a flight to South America.

A flight attendant asks her to move, but she replies, "I'm blonde and beautiful, and I'm staying here!" The flight attendant tells the pilot, who also tries to move her, but she gives the same answer.

Finally, the co-pilot says, "I've got this, I speak blonde." He whispers in her ear, and she immediately gets up and moves to coach. The others ask what he said. He replies, "I told her first class isn't going to South America."

Alcohol

How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.

  • 0
    • Politics

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

    The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

    The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

    The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."

  • 1
    • Feminist

    Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

    So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

  • 0
    • Cop

    Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.

  • 1
    • Anti-jokes

    If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"

    Viagra

    There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

    Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

    Blind

    I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

    Girl

    What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

    'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

    A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

    His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."

    So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"

    She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"

    The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"

    "Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.

    The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.

    "You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."

    Twin Towers

    I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

    Indian

    How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?

    Are you 7/11 or 9/11?

    How can you tell if your husband is dead?

    The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.