Skill jokes
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNIOUIYTFDRESRDXCGVBJHUY&T^R%E$SAWSZFXCVHJIUP*^&%$W#Q@
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
You: What you doing?
I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!
Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.
Also, I have the same Birthday as her, so I have the pass.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
No one misses them.
My grandfather died in 9/11.
He was a great pilot.
How did black people learn to steal sports cars?
By playing GTA nonstop.
Follow me if you know someone smart.
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.
Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive. Must be Asian.
I had the best butterfingers yesterday.
I dropped it.