Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
What is the tallest building?
A library 📚
It has the most stories.
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"
Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
Your hairline goes so far back my history teacher was surprised.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
Some say Stephen Hawking was a genius, but I never heard him say anything intelligent.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
