Skill jokes
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
Lucas is bronze 1 in RL.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
Why are frogs good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he knew how to count his bars!
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!