Lock jokes
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."
This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."
He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
What has 148 teeth and🥴🥴 holding back a monster? My zipper.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
Knock knock. Who's there? Theodore. Theodore who? Theodore is locked, that is why I knocked.
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Q: How do you make a door cry?
A: Twist its knob.
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.