Lock Jokes


Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

3 holes one bi

How do you find out if your kid is gay? Lock him in a closet and if he comes out his gay if not his dead straight.

Evan Regnier

I like my women like I like my wine, twelves Year’s old, in the basement, and locked up

in Worse

What’s worse than locking your keyes in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

in Cold

what do you do when you get locked outside your house… you talk to the lock. because communication is key.

Big Boss Tom
in America

yo mama’s so stupid she got locked in Matress World and slept on the floor.


I like my wine how I like my women, 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.


So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret and I said, well you never know when you need to pick a lock


I like my dates like I like my wine…

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.


I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement .


Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.

The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”

As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.


I like my women how I Iike my wine. 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

William "Kill Me" Owens

Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.

Mechanical Manic

I like my women how I like my wine.

14 years aged and locked in a cellar.


When I was 17 my mom’s door was always locked I wonder what she was doing

in Basement

Some locked me out of my house today… At least the children in my basement aren’t my problem anymore

bob the builder

“Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low… better turn em on just stubbed my fucking toe”


Knock knock who’s there dooris dooris who dooris locked that’s why I’m knocking

how it be when the new guy takes too long… hay Danny, its me Johnny. Johnny: boss says to kill the guy in red. point the gun at his head. Danny: ok target locked. 3… 2… 1… bang. Johnny: danny hope you did not get the man in red> Danny; OH MY BRO FOR REALL.


Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife? Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.