Lock

Lock Jokes

Paradise

Kid: What is between mom's legs?

Dad: Paradise.

Kid: What's between your legs?

Dad: The key to paradise.

Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.

  • 5
  • Pedophile

    Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.

  • 2
  • Gay

    How do you find out if your kid is gay?

    Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

    Crime

    So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

    Abortion clinic

    What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

    Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

  • 3
  • Key

    What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.

    Blonde joke

    A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

    Mama

    Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.

  • 2
  • Priest

    What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

    They are all locked in the Priest's basement.

    Orphan

    What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

    Cellar

    What does a kid and wine have in common?

    Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

  • 0
  • Toe

    "Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"

    Car

    Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?

    Because his keys were inside of the ignition.

    Loyalty

    Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

    Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

    Door

    "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Dooris." "Dooris who?" "Door is locked, that's why I'm knocking!"