What do you call a disabled kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
The day after Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
Once I saw a mirror.... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her. "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Carrie Underwood and ChatGPT are not the same. ChatGPT is able to create a soul.
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.
What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter, it won’t come to you.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guys says "Well I've always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says "Well I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.
what makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man? " they can move it move . ( from king julian)
what is the best power that man can do? they can move the mountain with their tongue.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
one time in my dream i had a dream that all people in wheelchair could walk it was awesome i could walk
