Short jokes

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.

What did the mom say when her child came out?

"The head was so big!"

What do you get when you goblin with a shark?

Who remembers when Gwen was the only thing people talked about on this website?

What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

Umm, what joke should I make?

I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...

Me:...

What do you call a gay woman? I don't know.

Your mama's so fat that when she went to space, there was no space left.

"9/11 people" say that jet fuel cannot melt steel beams.

I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.

Me: Dad, my phone is broken.

Dad: How?

Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.

Dad: Stupid.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)

Where do mermaids get a job?

At the kelp wanted station.

What do you call California when it’s having a wildfire? Completely normal.

What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?

An escort.

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.