Short jokes
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
What is cold and alone?
An orphan's parent.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?
I haven’t banged a hooker.
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
Wanna hear a joke?
No, I'm already looking at one.
Your hairline is so jacked up even the barber couldn't fix it.
You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.
Guess what you get when you cross a dark side and your king?
Q: Why can't pilots play Jenga?
A: Because they will just hit the Twin Towers.
Why could dinosaurs not talk? Because they were dead.
Are you twinning today? Because The Rock would be shocked!
You were sad because your grandmother died.
The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).
If I grew a nanometer taller for every 2/10 woman expecting a 6’3”+ guy, I would be considered attractive.💀
Your hairline's so far back even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
I'm looking for the bartender.
Person named Bart: