Short jokes
Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.
Yo mama so fat, the Egyptians modeled the pyramids based on her.
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA.
What do cannibals read?
People.
Digest Readers.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
Why were the Twin Towers upset? Because they ordered pepperoni, yet plane arrived!!!
Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
What do you call a genderless child?
It's not a mister, it's not a misses, I'm more for a mystery.
You call it turds.
I call it the forbidden chocolate.
I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.