Trip jokes
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.
What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
"Aren't you going back home now?"
"No, I am going back home."
Why don't orphans go to the park?
Because their parents aren't there to push them on the swing!
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
Why did the Pikachu say "Pi"??
He had to use the bathroom!
Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”
Son: “To the playground?”
Mom: “No, to the morgue.”
I went on holiday to the coast the other day, and I saw a shark.
I was alright, but I don't think my feet were.
Why can't orphans go on field trips?
They don't have anybody to sign the form.
Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?
Everywhere.
I would have loved to ride the Titanic at least once ;)
iykyk
Why did the sperm cross the road?
To fuck the chicken.
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.
How did Steven Hawkings die?
His wife tripped over his charging plug when he was at 2% battery.
Orphans would be upset if they went to FamilyMart.
'Cause they sell oden, not a family.
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!