Short jokes
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
Did you know that the F in orphan means family?
There's no F in orphan?
Exactly.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
What was the first sport played on the moon?
Capture the flag.
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
Don't do suicide, that shit kills.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?
Because the joke needs parental guidance.
Why isn't the Moon Emo anymore?
Turns out it was just a phase.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.