Short jokes
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
We don't read backwards.
Happy new year! 🥳
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
What's the difference between a girl and a toy? There is no difference because you play with both anyway.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
RIP Stephen Hawking who was buried today... he did always love black holes.
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.