Short jokes
I miss seeing my friends and teachers.
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.
I like fire trucks and monster trucks.
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
What's fat and wanks over his mom?
Guy Sheppard.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
A woman.
Why did the African win the food eating contest?
Beginner's luck.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
I told Hellen Keller it was a hair dryer, little did she know it was a Glock.
What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer.