Short jokes
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Six was scared of seven because 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because he was caught between 9/11.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.