Short jokes
In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.
It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
McDonald's has a drive through.
Twin Towers has a fly through.
Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity.
But she so ugly people are repelled by her.
The orphan can’t play soccer because he doesn’t know where home is, and his school is too dumb to learn.
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
What did the mom say to the twins?
"Go crash a plane!"
Why is daonlyjuanhere an orphan?
Because he is the only one.
I am awesome, look at me!
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
When I throw a dodge ball at a person taller than me, it's always a nut shot.
Can I pin your corpse to a tree?
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
Why is Death the world's biggest slut?
Death gets to f*** everyone.
What’s 23 times 2?
A potato.
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.
Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.
Who is the oldest Dave?
Daveon.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
Microwave.