Short jokes
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five...
...but it left him hanging.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"
I got kicked off Ancestry for asking if anyone wants to fuh.
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?
I've never been inside a submarine.
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?
From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.
What kind of beer is an orphan's favorite?
Foster's!
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."