Short jokes
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.
We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
It's not that I don't get the laugh, but most of you need to read through what's already been posted, 'cause everybody's saying the same sh*t.
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.