Short jokes
roses are red, unlike the rest, I'm the one who has your IP address.
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?
Heads and shoulders.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf.
Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.