Computer jokes
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
Where did the software developer go?
I don’t know, he ransomware!
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
How do computers get drunk?
They take a screenshot.
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
What did the HP say to a Dell?
Hello!
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
What do you call a crazy computer?
Wired.
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."