Computer jokes
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked? "Stop it! It hertz so much!"
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
Where did the software developer go?
I don’t know, he ransomware!
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
Don’t fart in an Apple Store.
It has no Windows.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
What did the HP say to a Dell?
Hello!
What do you call a crazy computer?
Wired.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.
How does a computer spell "Autocorrect"?
How do computers get drunk?
They take a screenshot.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.