Short jokes
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
Roses are red. Violets are too. You better run, I’m following you!
I made a 3D game about a depressed, self-harming goth. It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger!
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
Did you know a full moon is perfect for a werewolf to come out?
I’m gay.
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf.
Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"
One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.