Short jokes
Why did the boy get run over?
Sally was driving.
When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
What music do Astronauts listen to?
Nep-tunes.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.
This is really mean...
A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
Why did Mia Khalifa become so famous?
Because she blew up.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
I have no father. Like if you relate.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.