Short jokes

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.

How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?

Take a flute and shove it up your ass.

What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.

yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

Your hairline is so bad that it makes Lebron's hairline look normal.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?

What do you call a redneck on fire?

A fire cracker.

Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?

The New York Jets.

What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?

Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.

Does it cycle now?

How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?

The dog lead went slack.

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.

What do you call a German lesbian?

A krautmuncher.

We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.

My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.

What's simultaneously up and down?

A retard on a plane.

Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!

Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.