Scan

Scan Jokes

Walmart

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

  • 9
  • Self Harm

    I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

    When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

    I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

    Emo kid

    Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

    Discount

    What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?

    Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.

  • 6
  • Self-worth

    People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

  • 3
  • Emo girl

    Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?

    Because every time they scan, it scans twice.

    Self

    Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

    Alfred: Why?

    Me: because I'm worthless... =)

    Friend

    When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."

    Bar Code

    Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?

    A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!

  • 2
  • Wrist

    I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

    Wrist

    My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.

    “See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”

    I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

    Found out I’m worth $3.97.

    Side

    Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.

  • 1
  • Time

    Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.

    Emo

    Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.

    Self

    What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

    The depressed person can scan themself.