Short jokes
I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
This is really mean...
A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
Why did Mia Khalifa become so famous?
Because she blew up.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
I have no father. Like if you relate.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
It's not that I don't get the laugh, but most of you need to read through what's already been posted, 'cause everybody's saying the same sh*t.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!
You know what’s impossible?
Steven Walking.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"