Short jokes

What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?

They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.

I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.

If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?

What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.

This is really mean...

A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."

Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."

Kid: "Why are you doing that?"

Dad: "So you won't get bored there."

The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.

I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"

Why did Mia Khalifa become so famous?

Because she blew up.

Where did Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

I have no father. Like if you relate.

What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.

What's simultaneously up and down?

A retard on a plane.

My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.

I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.

What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

You know what’s impossible?

Steven Walking.