Short jokes
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
Why did Mia Khalifa become so famous?
Because she blew up.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
I have no father. Like if you relate.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.
Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!
You know what’s impossible?
Steven Walking.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."