If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
Short Jokes
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
It's not that I don't get the laugh, but most of you need to read through what's already been posted, 'cause everybody's saying the same sh*t.
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stop.
Stop who?
Stop posting stupid orphan jokes that have been posted on this site 10 times before!
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
