Short jokes
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"