Short jokes
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
It's not that I don't get the laugh, but most of you need to read through what's already been posted, 'cause everybody's saying the same sh*t.
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night?
Dark humor.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
What do you call the whole population turning into emos?
The Great Depression.
When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.
I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.
What do you call a group of chubby trans-genders?
Trans-fats.
What do Hostess Twinkies and the cock of a gay man have in common?
🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍨 🍨 🍨 🍨
My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭