Short jokes
I have no father. Like if you relate.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
It's not that I don't get the laugh, but most of you need to read through what's already been posted, 'cause everybody's saying the same sh*t.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.
Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!
You know what’s impossible?
Steven Walking.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.