Short jokes
What music do Astronauts listen to?
Nep-tunes.
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.
I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?
She doesn't eat pigs.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
This is really mean...
A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
Why did Mia Khalifa become so famous?
Because she blew up.
I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
I have no father. Like if you relate.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.