Short jokes
To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
This is really mean...
A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"
Why did Mia Khalifa become so famous?
Because she blew up.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
I have no father. Like if you relate.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!