Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Short Jokes
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
It's not that I don't get the laugh, but most of you need to read through what's already been posted, 'cause everybody's saying the same sh*t.
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stop.
Stop who?
Stop posting stupid orphan jokes that have been posted on this site 10 times before!
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
