Short jokes
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?
Me: Nah, not really.
Friend: What did they feel like?
Me: 7th grade.
Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?
Dribble.
Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.
What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.
Your mama so ugly that even Rick Astley had to give her up.
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"
Why do feminists eat so much pussy?
To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.
Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.