Short jokes

Who says “white men can't jump?” They certainly did when the twin towers were falling.

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.

I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.

Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.

My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.

What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?

Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.

Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.

Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.

I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.

How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?

After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.

Yo mama is so fat, that when I unfollowed her on Instagram, my phone got 1 GB of storage.

Why did the Mexican get put on anxiety meds?

Because of Hispanic attacks.

Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.

What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.