Short jokes
I finally stopped drinking for good.
Now I purely drink for evil.
So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.
"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.
My favorite toast for parties:
May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?
His lawnmower.
Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
Why are gay people so bad at math? Because they can't multiply.
Your mama so ugly that even Rick Astley had to give her up.
Slavery is like Pokémon, you gotta catch them all.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Why do feminists eat so much pussy?
To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.
Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"