So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
Short Jokes
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled children.
I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"
A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.
My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?
Ohhh, an owner.
