Short jokes
“Which tool,” Andrea Bocelli asks Chris Doemges, “fits best in the mailbox?”
Doemges: “Probably the flathead screwdriver!”
I dropped my phone, but it’s on airplane mode.
What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?
Nothing.
My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
What do you call Panera bread when it’s on top of someone?
Panera head.
Head look like a mf gorilla pop.
What does Marine stand for?
My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.
A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
It's still depression, by the way.
Alpha Kenny body?
Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
Literally the most popular job: YouTube.
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"