Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
Short Jokes
So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"
A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?
His lawnmower.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question, feminists don't change anything.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
I made a 3D game about a depressed, self-harming goth. It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
