Short jokes

Son: "Mom, am I adopted?"

Mom: "Yes."

Son: "Where are my real parents?"

Dad: "We are your real parents, so... GET OUT!"

Yo, edgeline go so far back that I can now mow a lawn perfectly.

What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.

What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?

A Double Manhattan.

Why do asses make terrible spies?

Because they always CRACK under pressure.

Why do orphans love Dom Toretto?

Because "family is everything!"

What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?

A kindergarden.

What's the worst thing to star in?

An amber alert.

Today is the day, time for more jokes!

I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...

Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!

Hey do you know saga?

Saga these ball sacks!

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.

What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.

Are you still a virgin?

If you do IT

With no one?

Me: Which WiFi are we on?

Coworker: Should be floor 89.

Me: What about flight 104?

Coworker: Oh crap!

You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

I know a baby carrot when I see one.

One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.

There was a crying pandemic going around.