Short jokes
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
I love you like my cuts.
Deeply.
Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.
I finally stopped drinking for good.
Now I purely drink for evil.
Turn the comments into a kindergarten fight.
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
Why did the Mexican get put on anxiety meds?
Because of Hispanic attacks.
Why do orphans support slavery?
They finally have an owner.
Who says “white men can't jump?” They certainly did when the twin towers were falling.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.