Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
Short Jokes
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?
Me: Nah, not really.
Friend: What did they feel like?
Me: 7th grade.
Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨
I ran over three disabled kids.
"Cripple kill."
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
My favorite toast for parties:
May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
My grandpa was amazing. He killed Hitler.
A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. (Titanic sinks.)
Website: Submit a joke :-)
Me: My life.
I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
