Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a padophile however I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8 year olds


What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.


What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn't brown the meat.


What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.


Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.