Short jokes

My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.

I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.

My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?

Ohhh, an owner.

Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?

What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?

A 50-year-old piece of meat.

A 12-year-old bun.

What do you call a sophisticated American?

A Canadian.

Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?

Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!

Why do feminists eat so much pussy?

To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.

Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

He's not really dead, his update failed.

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.