Short jokes
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
What country did Indians invent?
Curry-a.
What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?
Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
I joined the military for the group showers.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.