Short jokes
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?
OJ couldn’t kill cancer.
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.