Sex jokes

Girl lol feel dick in mouth on you.

Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.

Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; Because it's where everyone goes to "Hang Their Meat"!

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

What do the initials UAW stand for?

United Awesome Whores.

Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?

Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.

A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.

Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?

A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

Who wants a spot of bukkake for bedtime?

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

Once you've had the mother,

Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.

I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.