Sex jokes

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

I fucked a wall.

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

I love eating Hisoka's big, fat, juicy c*ck.

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.

What's another name for cumming inside a woman? Loading the dishwasher.

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.

A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.

I tried phone sex once, lost my bits to a stray "call waiting" beep. Very painful. Never again.

What do guns and women have in common?

They both get cocked and loaded.

If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.

Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?

A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.

Who wants a spot of bukkake for bedtime?

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.