Sex jokes

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.

If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

Once you've had the mother,

Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.

When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?

SHUT UP!!!

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.

My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.

How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?

You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.

You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.

He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.

You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.

Why did the condom cross the road?

Because he was pissed off.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

A dog meets a cat. The cat is black and the dog is white. They have sex on site, no cap.

SEX Some Event Xaern

Xaern - loving something so much you begin to dislike it.

What is the difference between paying $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole and paying $175.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from an able-bodied bisexual white female who is also a sex worker at a glory hole?

If you give $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole you are saving yourself $125.00. 💸😁

I don’t have a joke but a poem about a sex/dark joke.

Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream!

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."

The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.

The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.

The third lady says, "I never had a husband."

The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."

They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.

The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."

"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?