Sex jokes

"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."

Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?

Because they just keep getting harder and harder!

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

What should people do with their floppy dicks?

I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!

Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?

Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.

When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.

They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

What do you call a useless piece of **** on a cock?

A: A man!

My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

I tried to have phone sex once.

But the holes were too small.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.

What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."

You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.

Kaleb: Addison, are you okay???

Addison: Not at all. People think I'm annoying and stupid! Do you?

Kaleb: Yes, once I pound you in the ass.

One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.

There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.

In her religion, you NEVER pull out.