Sex jokes

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?

Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.

When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.

They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.

Girl lol feel dick in mouth on you.

How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.

My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

What should people do with their floppy dicks?

I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!

I fucked a wall.

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

I tried to have phone sex once.

But the holes were too small.