Sex jokes
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jill’s real name was Randy.
Once you've had the mother,
Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
If Donald Trump had sex with an orange, guess what his son would be?
An orange tree! :>
If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.
Why did the guy take a bath? Because he came, and it was too much of a mess.
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?
An inside job.
I don’t have a joke but a poem about a sex/dark joke.
Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream!
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?
I want to fuck them both.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
A dog meets a cat. The cat is black and the dog is white. They have sex on site, no cap.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"