Sex jokes
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
The boy was sexually frustrated that he couldn’t have sex with girls, so he fingered his female cat.
Anyone know how to get an A on the "An Inspector Calls" section of the GCSE paper?
What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?
A misfit.
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
What is it that gay men can't get from having too much oral sex?
Erectile dysfunction.
What is one thing that a physicality handicapped gay man can do better than a heterosexual female or a bisexual female that are not born physicality handicapped? Know how to perform fellatio on a man that has a very long and thick and very large dick.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
I like dick.
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."
He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*
There are now only three genders: Male, female, and stupid!
Meeting a girl at the park is good. But parking meat in a girl is better.
I am Cummer.
penis.
I like penis.
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.