Science jokes
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
What does NASA stand for?
Need Another Seven Astronauts!
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
I tried to catch fog yesterday...
Mist.
Memes
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
Why is helium so expensive? It is due to inflation.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
You're so fat, you have your own gravitational pull.
SCP-1540 transforms in-front of a d-class:
D-class: Whoa dude, you’re a wolf!
SCP-1540: A am a were.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
What do you call a prehistoric crow? Crow-Magnon.
How'd the skeleton know it was going to rain? He looked at the weather forecast.
What's an astronaut's favorite game? Space-ball!
Yo momma so fat, when she farted the Big Bang occurred.
Why doesn't Newton cut trees in vanilla Minecraft? Because he wants Minecraft to be realistic!
Why are tomatoes red? Because they contain the carotenoid lycopene!
XD RawR woof woof bark bark UwU meowwwww ROFL LMAO LOLOLOOLOLOL KEKW KEKW PEPELASUGH
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
Yo hairline is so far back that it was there before the Big Bang happened.