Physicist jokes
It's true, you know. Stephen Hawking has been up more ramps than Evel Knievel.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with David Beckham?
They both dribble.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to his fridge but get nothing out?
It was a dummy run.
Why did Stephen Hawking's girlfriend finish with him? Because he would never walk her home.
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
When Stephen Hawking's teacher asked him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
He said, "Six foot four."
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?
Because they can run out.
Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?
Because he was always sitting on the job.
Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now? No, because he is dead.
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
When does Stephen Hawking cross the road?
When it says "DON'T WALK."
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
[Link to YouTube video]