Science jokes
Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.
Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!
Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.
(Kids Doing A Science Project.) Kid 1: Did you bring Uranus?
Kid 2: Never leave home without it.
What did George Washington Carver have anything to do with gorillas? It's a little possible, ya dummy!
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
Memes
Don't trust atoms, people, they make up everything!
73 Earths can fit in Uranus.
Yo mama so fat that when she was on the moon, she had it sent right into the abyss of outer space.
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!
What do you call a nerd in space?
A space nerd.
Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.
Your hairline and the universe have one thing in common: they’re yet to be discovered.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with Bill Gates? One stands, the other doesn't.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
What's ALS?
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.
Q: What did the ocean say to the boy?
A: Nothing! Oceans don't talk, silly!
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
Your mom is as fat as NASA's company.