Science jokes

I make science puns, but only periodically.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?

What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?

You've got a lot of problems!

I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.

A man was at the temperature -273.15°C. He was OK.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."

The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.

"Is your refiger running?"

"Is your refrigerator running? You better go catch it!"

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? Stephen can't walkie and Stephen can't talkie.

The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

- They see me rolling.

What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... oh wait.

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand up.