My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.
Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
Your hairline is like the universe, still waiting to be discovered.
Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises
They say they found water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine
Astronauts just found water on mars! Mars: 1 Africa: 0
