Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence
If being ugly was a crime u would get a life sentence
What is a prisoner’s favorite punctuation?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Is Google a girl or a boy?
Obviously a Girl, because it won’t let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.
Teacher: Johnny can you use a sentence with definitely in it Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them Teacher: of cause not Johnny Little Johnny: then I’ve definitely shat myself
The next sentence is telling the truth. The previous sentence is telling a lie.
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy ‘Darling how does my dictate’ "
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny’s papers, she asked why he put the word bank in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word Bank and that’s one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: “Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we’ll be happy forever in heaven, eventually.”
little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? – A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? – It was given two consecutive sentences.
Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.” Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is…” Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.” Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’"
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents. Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honour. Judge: But why? Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
Say I’m a man after every sentence You walk into a bar. (I’m a man) You find a girl . ( I’m a man) You take her home.(I’m a man) She whispers in your ear.(I’m a man)
If being ugly was a crime you would have a life sentence
My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships
There is a tree out there giving you oxegyn, and you owe that tree an apology.
I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
When I saw your dad on the side walk I didn’t laugh but the sidewalk cracked up.
If I had powers I would make you the dumbest person alive but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke.
You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting
Were you born on a highway cuz that’s where most accidents happen
Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya
Your the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented
1 your so dumb you thing Cheerios are donut seeds!
- Your so fat you could sell shade!
- Your just like coconut water, nobody likes you! 4 you been shopping lately because there selling lives around the corner, you should go get one! If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence !! Are these good
You: Say “addicted” after everything I say. Person: Uh okay. You: When you’re obsessed with candy you are…? Person: Addicted. You: When you’re obsessed with drugs you are…? Person: Addicted. You: What hit you in the face last night? Person: Addicted… laughs (It’s supposed to sound like “A dick did”)